Home remodeling show addiction needs a little fix
JERRY AULDS

-This classic Jerry Aulds column first appeared in the El Campo Leader- News on Aug. 14, 1999.

It's not coffee, tea or golf, but following my recent house husband tour of duty I've remote clicked myself into a stone cold Home and Garden Channel addict.

Neither caffeine, Monday Night Football nor "just a pinch between cheek and gums" ever produced the same overpowering cravings which now grasp and hold me while Bill and Jill, or is it Willy and Tillie, unveil startling new window treatments.

No less addictive is the New England grandmother whose sweet warm patter and enticing technique for transforming bent, gnarled and scarred Venetian blinds into glowing wall art caused me to exit the house half-shaved and half-an-hour late.

Throughout the day no let-up. A laid back laconic carpenter traps compulsively nostalgic personality types with This Old House while a hip hop gardener snares us by converting a backyard trash heap into an herb garden.

The network must be aware of the addictive nature of its programming. But do they post even one caution or warning?

The answer is no! In fact the network callously exploits yearnings.

Why else air a "To be continued"? No form of programming is more addictive than the soap, serial and documentary combination.

The Home and Garden Channel's offering in this category touches all the compulsive bases with an intense, idealistic young architect fixating on fixingup and transfiguring his boyhood home.

The program opens with the architect laying out his passionate vision to a group of hard-headed practical craftsmen.

He suffers setback after setback. "It can't be done." "That color of stone does not exist."

"Who's paying for this job?"

Then near the end of the hour with victory in sight, everything goes south.

Workers rebel.

The neighbors call in the building inspector and the banker gets cold feet.The fade to black shot has the architect looking tragically into the camera and whispering, "We may have to close up and send everyone home."

Hooked! Through the night and into the small hours of the morning we keep vigil.

But there are no programming notes.

No sighting.

No resolution.

Please, please Home and Garden Channel, give us something to make it through the night!

Just a little fix instead of another fix-up show.