I’ve been learning a lot about the Constitution this last week, especially the hidden text.

Somewhere in all that swirly cursive writing, it seems, our time-traveling forefathers who took four years to tack on the Bill of Rights, addressed modern medical science.

You can just see it, can’t you?

“Yo, Georgie just got back! He says we gotta be ready not just for women wearing pants, but one of those pandemic deals,” Tiny Al said.

“Say what? You talkin’ about that pandemic that hit Egypt in 1791? What’s that got to do with us? It killed 300,000 people, but, hey, it never came this way. Or you mean that small pox that hit during great grandpa’s time?”

They wouldn’t have known about the Yellow Fever and Cholera out breaks of a few years later, unless you buy that time traveling bit.

Nor would they have known about the Spanish Flu in 1918, where some towns would have been all but eliminated. These were the years where folks wondered if you could legally order someone not to spit in public (the answer is yes you can).

I’m told, however, that there’s something inside that document that proves you’re allowed to put others at risk, ignoring a public health order if you chose.

You see, for the most part, that’s what the mask does. It protects other people from you.

That’s a great plan if everyone wears a mask.

If someone screams and spits “you can’t make me” while standing next to you, it doesn’t work so well unless you have the super-duper version of a mask – you know, the kind Georgie played Dr. Who to retrieve.

I still haven’t found whether this hidden text lurks, but I’ve been assured it’s in there. Apparently, you need to know the password.

“The government has no right to interfere with my rights” is another one I find confusing.

Aside from the “pursuit of happiness,” there’s very little in the document guaranteeing you can do what you want after they get done addressing free speech, the press, religion, the right to vote and booze.

But then, the government, created back before electricity, didn’t envision cars, fast-food joints, the Internet and a whole bunch of golly gee wiz things of the last 100 years or so.

Masks, however, are a thing they thought of, I’m told.

Nobody will show me where.

And, nobody will explain to me how they were ordered before and it was okie dokie then.

The Constitution is a whole lot more complicated than I thought.

I think I’ll just do my part to protect other people and hope like heck they’ll try to protect me.




– Shannon Crabtree is editor & publisher of the El Campo Leader-News.

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